Tag Archives: quarter life crisis

They say that geek’s becoming chic…

Well, since i can’t concentrate on my homework that’s due in 2 1/2 hours, I figured I’d write a little.  Since I can’t get this out of my head by continually thinking about it, so maybe if I put it down on digital paper, I can get rid of it and complete my schoolwork.

See, the problem is that Geek & Sundry, Felicia Day‘s YouTube channel, released a new video a couple of weeks ago.  It’s a music video from her work with The Guild. For the uninitiated, The Guild is a webseries that Day writes, produces and stars in, loosely based on her obsession with World of Warcraft.  The song (and the video) is called (I’m the one that’s) Cool and it’s effing FANTASTIC.

Watch the video, I’ll post lyrics after the jump.

1ST VERSE:
Oh, no. Don’t pretend I didn’t see
You roll your eyes at my gaming tee
Don’t know if you can read or if you’ve seen
The sweet piece in this week’s Wired magazine
The latest trend has hit its peak
They say that geek’s becomin’ chic
So now you’re out of style as you can be
And I’m in vogue, so you can bite me

CHORUS 1:
To all the ass-hat jocks who beat me up in school
Now I’m the one that’s cool
I’m the one that’s cool
To all the prom queen bitches thinking they still rule
Now I’m the one that’s cool
I’m the one that’s cool

2ND VERSE:
Try to cop my style but I’m the real thing
While you played sports, I played Magic the Gathering
Never earned your part of nerd society
My Aquaman pajamas prove my pedigree
Watched my Next Gen every night
Wore a headgear to fix my overbite
Your black-rimmed glasses are prescription free, where as me
I literally can’t see my hand in front of my face

CHORUS 2:
To all the asshat jocks who beat me up in school
Now I’m the one that’s cool
I’m the one that’s cool
To all the prom queen bitches thinking they still rule
Now I’m the one that’s cool
I’m the one that’s cool
And to my eighth-grade crush who pushed me in the pool
Now I’m the one that’s cool
I’m the one that’s cool
You may be tan and fit and rich but you’re a tool
And I’m the one that’s cool
I’m the one that’s cool

3RD VERSE:
Role reversal must be a total drag
But there’s no point, no point for me to humblebrag
I appreciate you for being cruel
I’m burning bright thanks to your rejection fuel
Got my in-jokes you won’t get
Like Honey Badger, Troll Face and Nyan Cat
So now your ballin’ parties seem so dumb
You can Evite me, and I’ll say yes, but I won’t really come

Got my comics
Got my games
All the things you thought were lame
Got my cosplay
Fanfic too
Got you pegged
STFU

(CHORUS 2)

I’m the one that’s Cool x4

Now, I’ve talked a bit about high school before, but I’m gonna do it again.  I Love This Song.  I LOVE THIS SONG.  I love this song for many, many reasons.  I tried to explain to Husband why I love this song so much and he just didn’t get it.  But then, if you ask him about high school, all he has to say is “I was a ghost in high school, I was invisible”.  Well, I, for one, am incredibly jealous of that ability.  I am not a … well, I’m not invisible.  For all of my faults, all of my inherent shyness, I am a person that gets noticed.  These days, it’s because I’m covered in tattoos and piercings.  Or because I’m smart.  Or because I’m outspoken and opinionated.  Whatever.

In high school, however, it was a different story.  I’m not going to rehash my history getting gay bashed, but I do want to talk about the intense bullying I experienced because of being a huge nerd.  I’ve never hidden the fact that I’m a huge geek; I was raised on Monty Python, Star Wars, Star Trek, Fantasy novels, Sci-fi, dungeons and dragons.  And it SUCKS being told that you’re a freak, a loser, less than nothing because of the things that you like.  Even at 28 I experience the same type of discrimination and bullying.  I’ve had other “adults” (and I use that term very loosely for people who engage in such immature acts) say things to me like “Why do you play RPGs? That’s for losers.” “Why do you watch Doctor Who? Jersey Shore is so much better. Doctor Who is weird, like you.”

And as weird as it is, I still let it affect me, sometimes.  I’m much better at laughing it off now, I generally only end up in tears when someone I love makes hateful, hurtful comments.  Acquaintances and strangers are generally either ignored or educated.  And I’ve noticed that a lot of the time, these people don’t realize that what they’re doing is bullying.  They think that expressing their opinions in hurtful ways is perfectly OK.  Now, I’m not sitting here trying to advocate suppressing people’s opinions, but there’s got to be an appropriate way to express those opinions without being hurtful.

Anyway, I’ve digressed.  What I really wanted to talk about on this post is the lyrics of (I’m the one that’s) Cool.  “To all the ass-hat jocks who beat me up in school” “To all the Prom Queen bitches, thinkin’ they’re still cool” “To my 8th grade crush, who pushed me in the pool” “You may be tan and fit and rich, but you’re a tool” “Now, I’m the one that’s cool” “Role reversal must be a total drag” “I appreciate you for being cruel, I’m burning bright thanks to your rejection fuel”.

 This song is a survivor’s anthem. This song is all about how all of that shit truly just makes you stronger, makes you better.  It sucks ass when you have to go through it, but it makes you so much more in the long run.

This song means so much to me.  I cried the first time I watched the video.  It was a small grain of proof I’ve needed so desperately my entire life.  Until about 5 years ago, I always felt uncomfortable in my own skin.  Always felt uncomfortable, like I didn’t belong, in the societies I was trying to live in.  Always felt like there was something inherently wrong with me because I didn’t fit in.  And this song is one small glimpse that I’m not the only person who felt like that.  I’m not the only person who had to wait until their mid 20’s to hit their stride, to feel like a normal, functioning human being.  It’s a glimpse that maybe I wasn’t broken, all those years, after all.

And sometimes, I need that glimpse more than I need the next breath of air.


Quarter Life Crisis

So have you heard of this thing called a Quarter Life Crisis?  From the Wikipedia site: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis

The quarter-life crisis is a period of life following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the late teens to the early thirties, in which a person begins to feel doubtful about their own lives, brought on by the stress of becoming an adult. The term was coined by analogy with mid-life crisis.

I think I’m having the opposite of a quarter life crisis.  I’m having a quarter life affirmation.  Allow me to explain:

It started about 6 weeks ago when I was in Phoenix visiting my sister.  She’s about to turn 30 and I’m 28.  We were talking about having those “Holy Shit, I’m an ADULT” moments.  In a lot of ways, it’s hard for me to think of myself as an adult.  I usually dress like a teenage boy, I play a shitload of video games and I still feel like the antisocial 16 year old I was.  My first one was when I got hired for the GS position I had in Germany.  I was 25 and they hired me to create and stand up a vision therapy program for long term rehabilitation with TBI patients.  Yeah, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  I was able to handle the job and actually truly excelled at it.  I loved that job.  My second was right after we moved back to the states and Husband and I bought a washer and a dryer.  For the first time in our lives, we own major appliances.  We own appliances that don’t sit on the counter in the kitchen.  HOLY SHIT, WE OWN MAJOR APPLIANCES.  Then, I realized that I don’t get carded to buy alcohol anymore.  WTF?  I think that I still look like I’m 16 but I guess I don’t.  My final moment was when I received my first Jury Summons.  At the tender age of 27.  Perhaps I should elaborate on why it took so long:  I lived in Germany from the age of 19 to the age of 27.  I received the Jury Summons within 90 days of being back on US soil.  Sister mentioned that 28 was the age that everything kind of came together for her.  She stopped being as crazy and irresponsible as she had been previously.  She said something along the lines of “That’s what 28 is all about, it’s about truly becoming an adult.”

And I think she’s right, overall.  28 is about realizing that you’re not a teenager anymore.  You haven’t been a teenager for 10 years, so it’s time to stop acting like one.

I’ve been mulling this over in my head for about 6 weeks now and it’s caused a huge difference in my life.  It’s finally sinking in that it’s easier to just do it right the first time.  It’s so much easier to spend X amount of time organizing your life and KEEPING IT ORGANIZED than to try to sift through the chaos every day.  I’ve also cut caffeine and soda out of my diet.  And I feel like a completely different person.  I don’t feel like the defensive, reactive mess anymore.  I’m proactive.  I’m more centered and much more calm.  And I really like that.