Tag Archives: LBGT

They say that geek’s becoming chic…

Well, since i can’t concentrate on my homework that’s due in 2 1/2 hours, I figured I’d write a little.  Since I can’t get this out of my head by continually thinking about it, so maybe if I put it down on digital paper, I can get rid of it and complete my schoolwork.

See, the problem is that Geek & Sundry, Felicia Day‘s YouTube channel, released a new video a couple of weeks ago.  It’s a music video from her work with The Guild. For the uninitiated, The Guild is a webseries that Day writes, produces and stars in, loosely based on her obsession with World of Warcraft.  The song (and the video) is called (I’m the one that’s) Cool and it’s effing FANTASTIC.

Watch the video, I’ll post lyrics after the jump.

1ST VERSE:
Oh, no. Don’t pretend I didn’t see
You roll your eyes at my gaming tee
Don’t know if you can read or if you’ve seen
The sweet piece in this week’s Wired magazine
The latest trend has hit its peak
They say that geek’s becomin’ chic
So now you’re out of style as you can be
And I’m in vogue, so you can bite me

CHORUS 1:
To all the ass-hat jocks who beat me up in school
Now I’m the one that’s cool
I’m the one that’s cool
To all the prom queen bitches thinking they still rule
Now I’m the one that’s cool
I’m the one that’s cool

2ND VERSE:
Try to cop my style but I’m the real thing
While you played sports, I played Magic the Gathering
Never earned your part of nerd society
My Aquaman pajamas prove my pedigree
Watched my Next Gen every night
Wore a headgear to fix my overbite
Your black-rimmed glasses are prescription free, where as me
I literally can’t see my hand in front of my face

CHORUS 2:
To all the asshat jocks who beat me up in school
Now I’m the one that’s cool
I’m the one that’s cool
To all the prom queen bitches thinking they still rule
Now I’m the one that’s cool
I’m the one that’s cool
And to my eighth-grade crush who pushed me in the pool
Now I’m the one that’s cool
I’m the one that’s cool
You may be tan and fit and rich but you’re a tool
And I’m the one that’s cool
I’m the one that’s cool

3RD VERSE:
Role reversal must be a total drag
But there’s no point, no point for me to humblebrag
I appreciate you for being cruel
I’m burning bright thanks to your rejection fuel
Got my in-jokes you won’t get
Like Honey Badger, Troll Face and Nyan Cat
So now your ballin’ parties seem so dumb
You can Evite me, and I’ll say yes, but I won’t really come

Got my comics
Got my games
All the things you thought were lame
Got my cosplay
Fanfic too
Got you pegged
STFU

(CHORUS 2)

I’m the one that’s Cool x4

Now, I’ve talked a bit about high school before, but I’m gonna do it again.  I Love This Song.  I LOVE THIS SONG.  I love this song for many, many reasons.  I tried to explain to Husband why I love this song so much and he just didn’t get it.  But then, if you ask him about high school, all he has to say is “I was a ghost in high school, I was invisible”.  Well, I, for one, am incredibly jealous of that ability.  I am not a … well, I’m not invisible.  For all of my faults, all of my inherent shyness, I am a person that gets noticed.  These days, it’s because I’m covered in tattoos and piercings.  Or because I’m smart.  Or because I’m outspoken and opinionated.  Whatever.

In high school, however, it was a different story.  I’m not going to rehash my history getting gay bashed, but I do want to talk about the intense bullying I experienced because of being a huge nerd.  I’ve never hidden the fact that I’m a huge geek; I was raised on Monty Python, Star Wars, Star Trek, Fantasy novels, Sci-fi, dungeons and dragons.  And it SUCKS being told that you’re a freak, a loser, less than nothing because of the things that you like.  Even at 28 I experience the same type of discrimination and bullying.  I’ve had other “adults” (and I use that term very loosely for people who engage in such immature acts) say things to me like “Why do you play RPGs? That’s for losers.” “Why do you watch Doctor Who? Jersey Shore is so much better. Doctor Who is weird, like you.”

And as weird as it is, I still let it affect me, sometimes.  I’m much better at laughing it off now, I generally only end up in tears when someone I love makes hateful, hurtful comments.  Acquaintances and strangers are generally either ignored or educated.  And I’ve noticed that a lot of the time, these people don’t realize that what they’re doing is bullying.  They think that expressing their opinions in hurtful ways is perfectly OK.  Now, I’m not sitting here trying to advocate suppressing people’s opinions, but there’s got to be an appropriate way to express those opinions without being hurtful.

Anyway, I’ve digressed.  What I really wanted to talk about on this post is the lyrics of (I’m the one that’s) Cool.  “To all the ass-hat jocks who beat me up in school” “To all the Prom Queen bitches, thinkin’ they’re still cool” “To my 8th grade crush, who pushed me in the pool” “You may be tan and fit and rich, but you’re a tool” “Now, I’m the one that’s cool” “Role reversal must be a total drag” “I appreciate you for being cruel, I’m burning bright thanks to your rejection fuel”.

 This song is a survivor’s anthem. This song is all about how all of that shit truly just makes you stronger, makes you better.  It sucks ass when you have to go through it, but it makes you so much more in the long run.

This song means so much to me.  I cried the first time I watched the video.  It was a small grain of proof I’ve needed so desperately my entire life.  Until about 5 years ago, I always felt uncomfortable in my own skin.  Always felt uncomfortable, like I didn’t belong, in the societies I was trying to live in.  Always felt like there was something inherently wrong with me because I didn’t fit in.  And this song is one small glimpse that I’m not the only person who felt like that.  I’m not the only person who had to wait until their mid 20’s to hit their stride, to feel like a normal, functioning human being.  It’s a glimpse that maybe I wasn’t broken, all those years, after all.

And sometimes, I need that glimpse more than I need the next breath of air.


The Fuck-Its

Hello Internet.  I know, I’ve been quite remiss in my promise to “update daily with funny shit”.  I’m gonna be perfectly honest, I’ve had a real bad case of the fuck-its for about a month.  I’m not really sure why, but I am sure that I need to get over it.

Let’s talk about school.  I found out that I bombed an assignment this week.  I am taking a “Critical Thinking” class right now and we had an assignment due last week about identifying different types of fallacies.  I got 59/100.  Dropped my grade in the class from a 100% to a 90.4%.  Now, for those of you who don’t know or don’t care, my goal is to finish my bachelor’s with a 4.0 GPA, so it’s kind of important for me to maintain my A in this class.  And I know, there’s probably a lot of you that are thinking that “C’s get Degrees!” but since I am going on to a master’s program, finishing my bachelor’s with a 4.0 will make it soooooooo much easier to get accepted into my master’s program of choice.  Admittedly, out of 1000 possible points for this class, we only have 430 graded, so it’s unlikely that I won’t be able to maintain my A, but still.  I’m really, really bumming out about it and kind of hating myself for fucking up so badly.  I know, retrospection is useless at this point and all I can do is knuckle down and make sure that it doesn’t happen again.  Except that my instructor lady (yes, it’s that instructor lady) didn’t give me any feedback about WHAT I got wrong.  So I don’t know what I need to review and study.  And without that information, there’s a very real chance that I’ll study all the wrong shit and fuck it up again the next time around.  I’m going to email her this afternoon and see if she’ll send me a graded copy of my assignment so I know which fallacies I identified correctly and which ones I didn’t.  I’m sure that there’s a really good chance that my email exchange with her will be just as frustrating as the last one.  If it is, I’ll be sure to post it here.

Let’s talk about pointy sharp things!  Archery practice is still going well.  Not a whole lot to report on that front, except that I haven’t hit my forearm with my bowstring a SINGLE FUCKING TIME since I invested in a $30 leather armguard.  I’m still wearing it, but I fixed the technique and form issues I was having and it’s been lovely.  The bruise on my forearm is almost gone, too!

More introspection! Huzzah!  So, I’ve been thinking a lot about The Power of Words lately.  I feel like there’s more that I can do to help LGBT teens other than talking about the issue and relating my own story.  The problem is, I’m pretty inconsequential (haha, get it?) in the big picture and I don’t know what I can do.  A whopping 50 people read my blog (and that might be optimistic) and I don’t know what else I can do to try to raise awareness and promote love and tolerance.  One thing I do want to plug is the Born This Way Foundation.  It’s a non profit started by Lady Gaga and her mom, aimed at increasing tolerance, acceptance and love in the world.  From their mission statement:

The Foundation is dedicated to creating a safe community that helps connect young people with the skills and opportunities they need to build a braver, kinder world.

We believe that everyone has the right to feel safe, to be empowered and to make a difference in the world. Together, we will move towards acceptance, bravery and love.

And that’s beautiful, I think.  So if you have a few minutes, go over and check them out.  Because He made you perfect, babe. ❤

And one more time, PLEASE support the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

UPDATE:

I sent the following email to Instructor Lady.

Not to be a nitpicker, but you graded my assignment wrong.  When checking the answers with the matrix you provided, I actually got 10/15 correct and not 9/15.  That would make my grade for the assignment 66.6, not 59.94.  Which would make my overall total grade a 91.96%, not 90.4%.  I know that this is something that I need to work on and something that I need to study more, but I also deserve the grade I actually earned.  I would appreciate it if you could correct this.  I have attached a copy of the assignment where I was copying down the correct answers next to the incorrect answers so I could study them, when I noticed that I got “poisoning the well” correct but was not awarded points for it.  I have also attached the grading matrix you provided for me and the my original submission.

Thank you,

Kalypso

Waiting for a reply.  I am really curious what she’s going to say…


The Power of Words

Dyke.  Faggot.  Worthless.  Shithead.  Slut.  Whore.  Skank.   Bitch.  Asshole.  Homo.  Good-for-nothing.  Trash.  Cunt.

Do any of those words make you mad?  Good.  Do any of them hurt? They shouldn’t, but they probably do.  I want to talk about the power of words and the effect that they have on the teenage psyche.

Last night I watched a DVR’d episode of Glee.  It aired on Tuesday the 21st of February and was titled “On My Way”.  If you haven’t seen the episode and want to watch it, STOP READING RIGHT NOW.  Here, there be spoilers!

I know, I know.  Faithful reader, you’re probably sitting there thinking “Wait, Kalypso, I thought you were this tomboy rockstar badass?  And now you tell me that you watch Glee?”  Yes, I know, gentle reader, it’s a shock.  But I do.  In addition to being a total tomboy rockstar badass, I am also a huge musical theater nerd and an audiophile.  I fracking love Glee.  It makes me happy.  Plus, Naya Rivera is a SMOKING HOTTIE and I want to be her Brittany.  So, yes, I like Glee.  Let’s move on.

Tuesday’s episode dealt a lot with Gay Bashing and Teen Suicide.  Dave Karofsky, the closet gay bully that was harassing Kurt gets “outed” at his new school.  They spray paint “Fag” on his locker and his Facebook blows up with hatred.  For his simply being alive and being gay.  Dave doesn’t know how to handle it and tries to kill himself.  Luckily, he doesn’t succeed.  His father comes home and finds him hanging from a belt and gets him medical attention before any permanent damage is done.  I sobbed like a little bitch watching it.  As much as it hurt me to watch it, I am so, SO glad they did this episode.  Bullying sucks, period.  But to be bullied for something you have absolutely no control over is the worst.  Being gay bashed sucks.  And it’s a type of bullying that a lot of teachers and administrators have turned a blind eye to.  And that is FUCKED UP.  Harassment, gay-bashing and the suicide of gay teens is an epidemic in this country.  They touched briefly on this topic a few weeks back when Santana got forced out of the closet.  But the frank and compassionate manner in which they approached this topic on Tuesday’s episode was beautiful and so, so needed.

I got gay bashed in high school.  I played softball and lacrosse and had short hair.  I got into fist fights and ran with a bunch of no-good punks (I love you, boys, but it’s true).  I got shoved into walls and called a dyke.  Lezzie. Lesbo.  Fag-Hag.  Homo.  Bitch.  Cunt.  And it hurt.  It hurt so much that by the time I was 16 I was pretty severely suicidal and had developed a very unhealthy self mutilation habit that took years to break.  Now, my sexual orientation is no one’s business and this isn’t about whether or not the kids teasing me were right or wrong. This is about whether or not they had the right to make me feel worthless.  Broken.  Wrong.  And they didn’t.  Now, I know that you’re going to say “No one can MAKE you feel anything, you allow them to influence your emotions”.  Well, you’re right.  Except imagine being told the same thing every single day for 7 years.  I was once told “If someone calls you a horse once, punch them in the nose.  If they call you a horse a second time, call them a jerk.  If they call you a horse a third time, it might be time to start shopping for a saddle.”  And I fully believe that.  If you’re continually told something, it doesn’t matter whether or not you KNOW it’s false.  If enough voices say it enough times you will eventually start to believe it.  Just that one seed of doubt about your own inherent awesomeness is enough to completely topple the fragile teenage psyche.  Teenagers are generally a mess anyway, even if they only have positive influences in their lives.  And for me, it was one straw too much.  I could have grown my hair out, started dressing in trendy clothes, stopped playing sports and become a total whore to “prove them wrong”, but I didn’t.  I knew enough about myself to know that I would be miserable playing the part that they seemed to want me to play.  So I didn’t.  I continued on my path despite the harassment and I am so, SO lucky that I managed to escape it before I decided it was time to end everything.

I only went to high school for three years because of it.  I didn’t drop out, I managed to get everything I needed to graduate done in 3 years and got the fuck outta dodge.   A lot of my friends at the time, notably G (who I’ll talk about in detail someday very soon) and M (who I’ve talked about before) were very upset that I left them behind.  But at the same time, they all knew that if I didn’t get out of there, there was a very real possibility that I wouldn’t make it out alive.  I took it all one step further.  As soon as I turned 18 I started looking into joining the military.  About 6 months after my 18th birthday, I enlisted in the US Army and spent the next 4 years in Germany.  I needed that time.  I needed to get the hell out of Phoenix and away from all the pain and hatred that I associated with “home”.  Don’t get me wrong, my home life was never as fucked up as it was at school but it was all mixed together into a ball of unhappiness and fear.  So I ran away.  And once I got away I found myself.  I came to terms with my sexuality, met and married an amazing man and I have the best girlfriend that anyone could ever ask for.  There is so much unconditional love and support in my life that I don’t know what to do with it sometimes.  And that scared, defensive and self-destructive kid that I used to be?  She’s still in here, but she doesn’t see the light of day very often.

So what I’m trying to say is that if you’re a teen and being bullied and harassed, whether it’s because you’re gay, perceived to be gay, overweight, nerdy, too tall, too skinny, too short, whatever.  It gets better.  High School seems like it’s forever and it’s never going to get any better, but I promise you, there is a beautiful, loving, accepting world out there just waiting for you.  There are so many beautiful things for you to experience in this world, but you have to hold on.  You have to push through the awful times to get to the good ones.  There is always someone out there who can and will help you when you need it.  I’m going to list the contact information for the national suicide hotline, but if all else fails, email ME.  I’ll talk to you as long and as often as you want.  Kalypso.Inconsequential@gmail.com

National Suicide Prevention Hotline (Lifeline):  11-800-273-TALK (8255)