Tag Archives: Funny random shit

The Loki Situation (part 2)

Hey guys, so I have something I’m writing but I need to talk to a couple of crucial people (that it’s about) before it goes live.  So in the mean time, you get another Loki post!

Picking up from where we left off, here we go:

(210) I just blogged about you.  #iregretnothing

(503) Are we hashtagging things now? #thisdoesnothing.

(210) Occasional habit. #anditseemstobugtheshitoutofpeople

 (503) I do not trust twitter.  Those birds are too friendly with pop’s ravens.

(210) Understandable, but I have no problems with Huginn or Muninn, thus, Twitter doesn’t bother me.

 (503) You know, they like to watch people… in the shower.

(210) I would imagine watching me in the shower would be amusing for them, what with the bad karaoke.  But modesty has never burdened me, so I’m not sure what the problem is…

 (503) Oh my.  Thor is using milking to crush walnuts.

(210) Mjolnir?

 (503) … Moline

(503) Autocorrect.  Mjolnir.

(503) Anyway, he’s crushing walnuts.  What he doesn’t know is I’ve put an illusion on a couple of the ball bearings used in the helicarrier’s fans.  The illusion of course, makes them look like walnuts.

(210) Hehehe, I wish I could see the look on his face when they refuse to crush!

 (503) You could say this plan is… All Nutty!

(210) *puts sunglasses on* AWWWWWW YEEEAAAAAHHHH!

 (503) Hmmmm, I have the strangest desire to put on sunglasses at the moment.

(210) Are you expecting Thor’s frustration to involve pyrotechnics?

(503) Well, let’s just say that if the kitchen slaves wish to make pasta, they could use this table to drain the noodles.

(210) Nice.  I’m not usually one for brute strength, but that’s kind of impressive.

 (503) I am annoyed.

(210) And I’m annoyed!  Together, we’re a pair-annoyed! (paranoid, get it?)

Side note, does anyone get this joke?  If not, Get Educated

(210) Why are you annoyed?

(503) You ever try to invite trickster gods over for a get together? Coyote says he’ll come, but then flakes; he thinks it’s the utmost in trickery.  Ha freaking ha.  Not like you haven’t used that one you four legged cur.

(210) Come on, now, Coyote’s a friend of mine.  He’s wily but he’s not terribly bright.  Be charitable when assessing his “tricks”…

(210) And in his defense, he’s kind of forgetful.

(503) Spider shows up early but ends up telling the same freaking stories all night.  Seriously, if I have to hear about how he stole the tiger’s genitals one more time, I’m going to make sure Ms Romanov is in attendance.  Little known fact, for a woman named The Black Widow, she is certainly quick to squash anything with eight legs.

(210) That’s not all that surprising. And yeah, only met Anansi once, but that was enough for me.  That tiger story wasn’t even really funny the first time.

(210) You know what sucks?  FT Hood, TX sucks.

(503) You know, I was vaguely aware of that.  Would it be suitable as a penal colony for a future ruler?

(210) Absolutely.  Although, FT Bliss would be slightly more demoralizing.

(210) I got a lecture from Directory Fury today about how we “should not engage in casual conversation with known supervillains, even if it *is* Thor’s brother.”

(210) Tasha gave me a very “I’m so disappointed” look.  Stark laughed his ass off and asked for your phone number.  I haven’t given it to him, yet…

(210) You know, I figure eventually, I’ll annoy you enough or bore you enough that you’ll tell me your terran alias…

(210) 48 hours now.  Darling Loki, I’m beginning to think you tire of our game.  Are you offended I called you a supervillain? Because you should know I don’t care what that pedantic Cyclops says.  I do what I want.  Villain or not, you’re terribly amusing and I’m having fun.

(503) Just distracted with my latest plan.

(210) Anything worth sharing?  Or should I just watch for fireworks and/or headlines?

(503) I’m going to turn Midguard’s children against your heroes.  Children will fall upon them in heaps of teeth and biting.

(210) And while Tasha might fight back, the rest of them will be paralyzed at the idea of hiding kids.  I like it.

(503) They won’t be able to set food within 200 meters of a school or daycare.

(210) Hehehe, Play it right and you might actually be able to get them listed as registered sex offenders for the duration of their lives.

(503) I will share in due time.

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The Loki Situation

So, last week I got a new phone.  I put it out on Facebook that I had a new phone but the number was the same and most of my contacts had transferred.  Then, I made the mistake of saying “if you want me to have your phone number, text me and tell me who you are.”  I should have maybe remembered that most of my friends are smart asses, just like me.

This is the conversation that ensued.  Unknown number is in italics, my responses are not.  Unknown number from (503) area code, mine is (210).

(503) Greetings Mortal.

(210) Loki?

(503) I am no being of tricks and deceptions—of course if I was I wouldn’t say that.

(503)

(210) So… You’re either a) an extinct dinosaur that may or may not have ever existed in the archetypal form associated with it’s name, b) an over and oft misused meme, or c) a t-shirt.  Although, I suppose you could also be a clothing manufacturer or seller…

(503) You got it in one.  This is Loki.

(503) Did you like my joke? Telling you this wasn’t me when it was?  I like to think I put the “lol” in “Lolki”

(503) It sounds better in proper Asgardian.

(210) Luckily you’ve got the Allspeak.

(210) Oh my, have I lost the attention of my favorite Aesir trickster?  I’ll have to do something drastic to regain it.

(503) No, I just get crappy reception.

(503) You want to see my baby pictures?

(503)

(210) OMG, you’re ADORABLE!

(503) Did it go through? Pity AT&T if it did not. 

(503) I really am.  It’s a shame mother always loved Baldir more. 

(210) It really is.  I can’t imagine Odin was terribly happy you showed a talent for magic at such a young age.

(503) And why would I give up world domination for a new freaking iPhone?

(503) He wasn’t too thrilled when I gave birth to a six-legged horse, either. 

(210) And yet, he had no problem gaining a new war mount.  Hypocrite.

(503) Eh, no sense in obsessing. Let’s talk about what I can do for you.

(210) And what, dear Aesir, can you do for me?

(503) You know the old spice guy?  I can give you him on a plate, gutted like a turkey, or in bed, tied up, also like a turkey.

(210) I’d rather have Chris Evans…

(503) I think he’s got someone else tied up in his bunk, if you know what I mean.

(210) Yeah, I’ve heard that rumor.  How about Tom Hiddleston?

(503) This guy? 

(503)

(210) Yep, that’s Tom.  He’s pretty much the definition of sex.

(503) That whole, food of the gods thing? It was not intended to refer to fried mushrooms and tater tots.

(503)

(503) No app for the picture of my app(etizer).  Ha, classic “Lolki”

(210) Is this what we’re doing now? Sending hipster photos of our meals?  Sigyn will be so disappointed, she had assured me you knew how to show a girl a good time…

(210)

(503) And by the way, so you’ve heard the rumors about Cap’s “incredible” hulk of a lover?

(210) Actually, I heard that he and Stark had a thing.  I heard Banner’s with the Hawk.  But then, the Hawk is kind of a slut…

(503) It really must be instagrammed to be proper hipster photos.  I was just trying to make conversation, not change our discourse entirely to photos. 

(210) Fair enough, what shall we discuss, my trickster?

(503) Hmmm it seems there is a “groupon” for eyebrow and underarm hair waxing.  Perhaps I could pick one up for you? I’d like you to look your best for Mr. Hiddleston 

(210) I don’t need to conform to sexist definitions to be beautiful, nor to look my best.  Hiddleston would love me regardless.

(503) He may love you, doesn’t mean he’ll want to stick it in you.

(503) Unrelated; knock, knock.

(210) Who’s there?

(210) And are you implying that I’m not beautiful and perfect?  Loki, I’m hurt.

 (503) Thor

(210) Thor who?

(503) WHY IS EVERYONE ALWAYS FOCUSED ON HIM?!

(210) Hahaha, while I realize that’s the punchline, it’s a good question.  Big, blond and dumb is never appealing.

(503) I was implying no such thing; hair arm pits just aren’t my thing.  I fi wanted to curl up something hairy smells salty, I’d spoon with Baldir’s pantaloon,  (I don’t want to, BTW, so I can assume neither does Mr. Hiddleston 

(210) Fair enough, but rest assured, I am perfectly capable of maintaining my personal hygiene without professional help

(503) Don’t like big and blond? I take it you were more of a fan of Brad or Frankenfurter?

(210) I’m a regular Frankie fan…

(503) You know the best part of the Shield helix attire?

(210) It leaves very little to the imagination?

(503) Helicarrier?

(503) (autocorrect, you have beaten the trickster God this time, but I will have vengeance)

(503) Hello Carrier?

(210) What’s the best part about the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier?

(503) Taco-Tuesdays.

(210) Are you sure you’re Loki?  You’re starting to sound like Wilson…

(503) Well, technically, the best part is flushing whole rolls of paper towels down al the toilets but the hulk’s.  People get really conflicted if they want to use the bathroom after “The irritable-blwel-syndrome” Hulk.

(210) Jesus, that’s a terrifying image…

(503) Who’s this Wilson you speak of?

(210) Wade’s a trip, weird guy, friends with Parker? Obsessed with junk food? Moonlights as a mercenary? Talks incessantly? You’ve really never met him?

(503) Banner: “don’t make me gassy; you wouldn’t like me when I’m gassy”

(210) Good lord.  Yeah, terrifying.  Those poor S.H.I.E.L.D. agents…

(503)

(503) Yeah, we’ve met.

(210) I take it he’s not your favorite?

(503) Another amusing story about the helicarrier’s d-fac: I convinced my idiot brother that “monkey-pull=apart-bread” is named after what the most fearsome animal in Midguard, the monkey, does to any human it sees.  I’m sure you saw the news coverage of Thor’s trip to the zoo with those make-a-wish children.

(210) I had a feeling you had a hand in that disaster.  Impressive work, darling.

(503) Yes, next week they are serving “chocolate volcano cake”.  Oh, I have plans…

(210) You’ll have to send me pictures.  I thoroughly enjoy lauging at your idiot brother.

(503) One of those geeky types put forward as an advantage of android vs. iPhone is that android is more customizable.  I just set Dr. Banner’s ringtone to the ten minute version of the “nyan-cat” song, and set his phone to require a password to answer/silence the call.  Obviously, I changed the password.  Now, to post his number to craigslist as a sexy single lady looking for “fun”.  I think I will include a picture of Ms. Romanov.

(210) Well, as annoyed as Banner will be, Tasha is the scarier part of that equation.  See if there’s any way to make the trail lead back to Stark.  I would love to see Stark get his ass handed to him by Tasha.  I would make popcorn.

(503) Oh, my dear, you follow my plan well.  They have recently been in a bit of a debate regarding the merits of the two.  Stark has been ging on about the possibility of a “malware” attack of androids on Banner’s phone.  Of course, I do not know who Malware is, or what his androids would do to Banner’s phone.  I know that Banner has accused Stark of holding this opinion due on amount of money Stark makes off apples.

(210) Stark just doesn’t like his “friends” playing with toys he didn’t design.  And he’s enough of a prat to throw a fit about “inferior” tech being allowed near him.

(210) I like how the internet seems to have decided that Loki and by extension, Tom Hiddleston, are the gods of Tumblr.

(503) You mean “you and Tom Hiddleston”.  After all, I don’t refer to you in the third person when I’m speaking directly to you.

(210) So true.  My apologies.

(210) You’ll be happy to know, though, that I officially saved your number under “Loki”.

Side note, I did, in fact, actually program this unknown number into my phone under the heading “Loki”.  I was considering “Loki Odinson” just to piss him off, but decided against it at the last minute.

(503) “Lord and Master, High-King Loki” would be preferable, but just Loki is fine for now. 

(210) Oh, honey.  You’re going to have to work much harder for me to call you lord, master, or high-king of anything.

(503) Yes, I acknowledge that my plans have this far not succeeded; however, that will be remedied.

(210) Right.  Good luck with that.  😛


The Reason for Radio Silence

Sorry kids, I’ve been traveling.  And quite frankly, I was having too much fun to worry about much of anything.

Sister came to town on the 9th with her boyfriend.  We spent the 10th in Austin, the 11th in Copperas Cove visiting our Older Sister and her husband/kids, the 12th and 13th in Corpus Christi at the beach.  On the 14th, we drove back to Phoenix and I spent St Patrick’s Day weekend with the Brother (D), his Girlfriend (D2), and a friend from high school, G.  Also, G’s dog, Zack.  Zack is kind of on my shitlist right now: On Monday morning, when I was leaving, he made a run out the front door of G’s house and it took me a good 20 minutes to chase him down and drag him back inside.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Aside from some family drama that I promised Mom I wouldn’t air on the internet, I had a great time with Sister while she was visiting.  Phoenix was a fucking trip, however.  It’s always weird when I go home and while I had a blast, this trip was no exception.  Arrived late on Wednesday and immediately crashed.  Thursday morning, I went to the AZ Motor Vehicle Division (yeah, it’s not a DMV in Arizona, it’s the MVD.  Whatever, AZ, whatever.)  and got my Arizona Driver’s License back (I don’t want to accidentally establish residency in Texas, we’re only here until August when the Army moves us again), picked up concert tickets for Saturday and printed out the tickets to the Spring Training Game we were going to on Sunday.  Thursday afternoon was spent chain smoking, reading and arguing (only a little) with Sister.  Thursday evening, I spent the majority of the night chain smoking and reading at a Starbucks while waiting for Brother to get off work.

It was also EPIC LICENSE PLATE day in Phoenix, evidentially… Saw this one on the way to Starbucks:

Yeah, I don't know about you, but when I think "Dragonborn", I CERTAINLY don't think "Ford Fiesta"... But whatever, I guess. Everyone's entitled to their chosen mount...

And I saw this one in the parking lot at Starbucks:

This one made my little Whovian heart melt. <3<3

For those of you not in the “know”:  Dragonborn and Whovian.

Once Brother got off work, I drank a couple of beers with him (that’s a big deal, I don’t hardly ever drink) and his lovely ladyfriend and bullshitted until about 1 AM.  Brother and ladyfriend went to bed about the same time that their housemate, G got home from work.  Stayed up bullshitting with G until about 330 before finally crashing.  Lounged around most of Friday before going to see the progress on the house that Brother and Ladyfriend are having built.

Now, I should explain something about my Brother and his Ladyfriend.  First, D is not blood, but he’s been one of my best friends since I was about 10 years old.  I love him like family and truly consider him to be my brother.  Even though we went to high school with his Ladyfriend and D knew her, I didn’t actually meet her until New Years when I was visiting in Phoenix.  But I kind of love her too.  I’ve never seen D so happy, calm or contented as he is with D2.

So, we’re checking out the house they’re having built and they decide to take me over to the model so I can see what it will look like when there’s more than just support beams up.  The model is really cute, it’s a 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath.  We’re doing the walkthrough and when we left the master bedroom to go look at the other two bedrooms, Ladyfriend immediately says “And this is where you’ll stay when you come visit, I mean, if you want to stay with us, you’ll always have a place here.”  My heart melted.  It’s official, she has my stamp of approval.  I love this girl and I want Brother to marry her for so many reasons, but it means a TON to me that she’s not threatened by me or my relationship with D.  He’s had some girlfriends in the past that didn’t get it.  They somehow thought that I was hanging around with him to try to steal him away.  All I could think was “Oh, No, honey, If I wanted that, I would have had it a long time ago before you were ever in the picture.”

Saturday morning, I picked up an army buddy (from Germany) who’s now living in Phoenix, E, and a girlfriend from high school (who I’m kind of crazy about), L, and we went to see the Flogging Molly show.  It was INSANE.  Now, FM plays Phoenix every year on St Patrick’s Day.  I know, that’s a little weird, but bear with me.  Basically, they’ve always had a really loyal and supportive fan base in Phoenix even before they were wildly popular and they had a tremendous amount of support from the now defunct Edge 103.9 alternative rock station in Phoenix.  So as a thank you, they play every year on St Paddy’s Day.  I’ve never been to the show on the weekend before, every year that I’ve been in Phoenix and able to go, the show has been during the week and there will be two or three opening bands.  On a Saturday, however, there were 9 “opening” bands (starting around 1330), followed by ROGER CLYNE AND THE PEACEMAKERS before Flogging Molly hit the stage at about 2200.  First, I fucking LOVE Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers.  They’re amazing.  And I didn’t realize they were on the bill until I picked up my tickets from will call 3 months after I bought them. Second, the show was exhausting but absolutely wonderful.  I genuinely enjoyed all of the local talent and the “opening” bands were very good.  I wish I had known before the show started that it was going to be 10 hour event, but it was still amazing.  I left the show sunburnt, sore, exhausted and utterly happy.  I’ll make a more detailed post about the shit-show that was Tempe later…

Slept in on Sunday morning and then went to an AZ Diamondbacks Spring Training game with D.  Playing the A’s, we got our asses handed to us.  Not to mention the 20 minute “rain” delay for the HAIL STORM that hit the field at the end of the 3rd inning.  Yeah, Freaky Damn Weather to say the least.  Spend Sunday night relaxing and packing up before the 14 hour, 997 mile drive I had on Monday.

And let me tell you about that.

First of all, when ANYONE thinks Arizona in March, they think 80 degrees, sunshine, spring training.  They don’t think HAIL AND SNOW.  Certainly not down south.  It was cold when I left Phoenix, down the I-10 and when I got to Tucson it was hailing and snowing.  It is UTTERLY FUCKING BIZARRE to see snow on cacti.  Snowed and hailed off and on until Las Cruces, NM.  Dried up in time for me to cross into Texas at El Paso.  I had nice, dry, warm weather from El Paso until about Junction, TX.  Junction is about 100 miles outside of San Antonio.  From Junction to Boerne (pronounced “burn-y”), which is about 1o miles north of San Antonio, I had crazy heavy wind and rain.  Hydroplaned on the highway several times but always managed to regain control of my truck.  Once I got to Boerne, it was 75* and dry as a bone.  Humid as all hell, but the roads were dry like it hadn’t even considered raining.  When I got home Husband informed me that “yeah, you drove right through a MAJOR storm system, we’ve had tornado warning’s all day.”  Tuesday, Mom called me with “DID YOU HEAR, THERE WAS A TORNADO WEST OF SAN ANTONIO LAST NIGHT!”  Yeah, mom, that doesn’t surprise me.  I’m just glad I didn’t drive into a fucking tornado last night.

Needless to say, I firmly believe that the weather gods were fucking with me on this trip.


The Pterodactyl Story.

… Yeah, this one’s gotta be a video. It just won’t work in typeface.  So, ladies and gentlemen, I present The Pterodactyl Story (Or, my first trip to the South)

Again, feedback is welcome on the video, but trolls will not be tolerated and troll comments will be deleted.


Awwwww Yeeeaaaahhhh!

Sorry for the radio silence this week, my computer’s been in the shop and I hate using Husband’s laptop.  But, my baby is all fixed up and home now.  So yeah, that’s right, I’m back, bitches!  And now, for a random collection of shit that I don’t feel like breaking down into multiple posts.

Let’s talk about Facebook.  I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed this, but Facebook is kind of a creeper.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m just as Facebook addicted as the average 20-something, but it kind of freaks me out sometimes.  The Friend Suggestions/”People You May Know” is really what I have a problem with.  For about a year, it kept telling me that I should be friends with my buddy’s 16 year old son who I had never met because he lives with his mom.  Then it kept trying to get me to be friends with a bunch of 14 year olds because I went to their high school.  Never mind the fact that I graduated 11 years ago.  That’s not weird or anything.  Or how about every single time it suggests to me that I may know So-and-so because “you both worked at US Army”.  Yeah… There’s a lot of people that can make that claim.  About 3 million of us.  And I don’t know most of them.  And I REALLY don’t like interactive adverts.  But that’s another gripe.  My biggest problem with Facebook right now is that when you switch to the new timeline, there’s a feature called “Activity Log”.  No one else can see this information, it’s for the profile owner only, but it’s a still bit freaky.  I don’t really like that Facebook remembers that “Kalypso joined Facebook!” on June 12th 2008 at 0653.  That’s a little stalker-esque.

Let’s talk about birthdays!!  As I might have mentioned on Tuesday, it was my birthday. Yes, I know it’s on Valentine’s Day. Thank you for pointing that out to me.  I can’t believe I managed to make it 28 years in the world and I NEVER realized that my birthday fell on Valentine’s Day!  Anyway.  All I really wanted for my birthday was Chipotle, Chocolate and David Tennant.  Again, a girl’s got to have dreams, right?  What I received was: A SHIT LOAD OF LOVE via Facebook, email, text message and phone calls (my sister almost blew out one of my eardrums singing Happy Birthday over the phone), some random Doctor Who memorabilia (sonic screwdriver, roving desktop dalek, mini-tardis and two posters), Chipotle for lunch, Sushi for dinner (bonus!), Dominion, an Edible Arrangement (thanks, mom and dad!) and a set of REALLY awesome Skull Candy headphones.  So yeah, needless to say, I was surprised and it was awesome.  Oh, plus, a girlfriend sent me David Tennant and Chocolate.  So really, my day was perfect. Here’s a picture of my Edible Arrangement:

Chocolate, Strawberries, Pineapple and Cantaloupe? HELL YES, PLEASE.

And it’s OK, you can be jealous of my dalek, roving around my kitchen counter!

And moving on. To Dentists.  I mother-effing HATE the dentist.  I have only had bad experiences with dentists.  I think it springs from the fact that my Daddy is a Ginger.  I’m pretty damn close to being a ginger myself.  And Redheads have been scientifically proven to be harder to anesthetize than anyone else.  I’ve always reacted poorly to Novocain.  It usually takes at least 3 shots and at least 20 minutes to get me numb.  And I’ve never had a dentist believe me, so they all start drilling before I’m numb.  Ugh.  *shudders*  So at this point in my life, I just generally don’t go if I can avoid it and when I do go it’s usually an anxiety attack waiting to happen.  Well, I’ve had one broken filling for about 5 years and another that I thought has been broken for about 3.  I finally went to the dentist on Thursday, for the first time in 2 years.  And I was right, I have one broken filling.  And one broken tooth.  I have no idea how I broke a tooth, but I did.  And the broken filling? It’s so damn big that they can’t drill it out and replace it.  I have to get a crown.  Well, two, actually, because the broken tooth needs one too.  But, I have no new cavities and I don’t need a root canal in either tooth, so that’s good.  The problem, though, is that my dental insurance is only going to cover 50%.  So it’s going to cost me $900 out of pocket to get this done.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t have a spare $900.  I’m an unemployed student and Husband is an E4 in the army, which means his base pay is $2300/month.  I have about $2200 coming from my amended tax returns (the only nice part of being an unemployed student!) but since it’s an amendment, it won’t be here until April at the earliest.  But my mom offered to lend me the money for the time being “because you have to take care of your teeth, and I know you, if you put it off until your tax returns come in, you won’t ever do it.”  I am incredibly lucky and blessed that my parents are in a position financially that they can help me out.

Puzzles.  Let’s finish with puzzles.  I am a little … OCD sometimes? I fucking love doing jigsaw puzzles and I always have at least one in progress.  There’s no real appeal to me in doing a puzzle more than once, though.  So I “do ’em and glue ’em”.  This drives Husband crazy because we have about 30 puzzles in cheap ass Walmart frames sitting in our closet because there’s no wall space for them in our tiny house. But that’s besides the point.  I have two 2,000 piece puzzles that have been waiting for a couple of years because I haven’t had a table big enough to do them on.  One is a world map and the other is Neueschwanstein Castle.  I finally remembered to go to Lowe’s and buy a board big enough to do my giant puzzles!  I have a 1,000 piece out right now that I started this morning, but in … oh, two days or so, when I finish it? It’s on like Donkey Kong.

And that’s all I got for now, what’s been going on in your life, Internet?  Did you miss me?   I know, I missed you too.  <3<3<3


Superbowl Madness

So, I just have to share this.  My husband does not understand or appreciate American Football.  He’s a huge European football fan but just doesn’t get “hand-egg” (as he calls it).  So, in general, he couldn’t care less about the Superbowl.  I, on the other hand, love football.  I love football so much I am a completely unabashed and unapologetic Arizona Cardinals fan.  Oh yeah, that’s right  kids, Mommy is hardcore.  I was very excited about the Superbowl for two reasons: I adore Eli Manning, I think he’s just the cutest thing, and I despise the Patriots and Tom Brady in particular.  Ugh.  I hate everything about him, from his super douchy hair to his supermodel wife.  I don’t know what it is, but Tom Brady and Tony Romo both inspire absolutely irrational hatred in me.  But I digress.

So, I was watching the pregame and I realized that Husband was in the kitchen doing the dishes.  Then, at kickoff, I let him know the game was starting.  So he eventually wandered his way out to living room and proceeded to fold three loads of clean laundry and ignore the TV.  Which is when I realized exactly what was happening…

Once, about a year ago, once of my friends said something about our  marriage to the effect that Husband was the bitch and I was the butch in our relationship.  And everyone agreed.  Except for Husband, of course.

So I’m sitting on my couch, watching football, while he folds laundry and does the dishes.  Aaaaand he wonders why people think I wear the pants in the family?  Maybe it’s just that I’m a big tomboy and Husband has spent way too much time living in Europe, so he doesn’t get this whole American Machismo thing.  Whatever, I still laughed my ass off and told him to fold the laundry like a good little wife.  And promptly reminded him that he was my bitch.