I hate teenagers…

… I can’t help it, I really, really do.  Every once in a great while, I’ll meet one that I legitimately like, but that’s very rare. I can think of one off the top of my head, my girlfriend J has an awesome just-turned-13-year-old C, who I adore.  But for the most part, I fucking hate everyone I meet under the age of 25 or so.

They’re all shitheads.  No, this isn’t opinion, it’s stone cold fact.  All Teenagers Are Shitheads.  Yes, I know that the majority of the time, some of them can be pretty OK.  But they have absolutely no life experience and just enough hubris to think they do.  They have no fucking perspective on anything.

Let’s talk about why I brought this up in the first place:  I AM SO FUCKING GLAD FACEBOOK DIDN’T EXIST WHEN I WAS 16.  Because I was a shithead at 16.  I really was.  And for my life to be out there on the internet for all the world to see?  Oh gods, I am so fucking glad that my teenage shitheadedness will not be immortalized on the internet.  Now, when it comes to Facebook, I’m kind of an idiot.  Don’t get me wrong, my FB is locked down tighter than a gnat’s ass, it’s not under my real “meat space” name and I have it set so that my friends can see anything I do.  I don’t accept friend requests from strangers or “friends of friends” unless I truly do know them.  My problem is that I’m a sucker for teenagers (wow, let me try to say that in a non-pedophile way… ) As much as I hate them, there’s a part of me that very vividly remembers how much High School sucked and I want to try to make that experience a little less traumatic for everyone else.  I have a lot of friends who have teenagers.  And since I’m 10-15 years younger than the vast majority of my friends, I am way closer to their kids’ ages than they are.  Also, I’m a huge nerd and don’t mind tutoring kids.  For these many reasons, I tend to have their teenage daughters want to be legit friends.  And every single time, I try to humor them.  In a moment of weakness, I accept the friend request they send me.  And every single time I end up deleting them.  Usually, it’s over some really stupid shit, but I just can’t take it anymore.

One 16 year old daughter of a friend broke my brain when she declared that watching a fictional character on a TV show have a miscarriage was “the saddest thing ever”.  Being a woman who’s had 5 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy, I was a little offended by this.  All I said to her in response was “Please try to have a little perspective.  To say that this is the saddest thing ever is really insulting to anyone who’s lost a baby in real life.”  And she and her mom both freaked out on me about “She has the right to exercise her freedom of speech, if you don’t like what she has to say unfriend her blah blah blah”.  And then Mom had Teenager unfriend and block me on Facebook.  Um.  For starters, you’r teaching your kid that no one is allowed to have a different opinion or challenge her in any way and if they do, it’s OK to run away.  You’re a fucking idiot.  Mom’s main point was “She’s only 16!”  To which I could only respond with “Exactly.  She’s 16, not 6.  She needs to start realizing that the things she says affect other people and to be more conscientious of her words and deeds.  She’s on the cusp of adulthood and to behave like a petulant child is unacceptable.”  Needless to say, I don’t speak to Teenager or Mom anymore.  Whatever, honestly, my life has way less drama in it now.

Another friend’s 16 year old just got unfriended today.  She’s never said anything as blatantly awful as the previous teenager, but I got really sick of reading her status updates about how her life is so awful and it’s basically the worst thing ever when she doesn’t get every single thing she wants.  First of all, she’s 16 and lives in Germany.  Her mom and dad both have good jobs and are able to put food on the table and clothes on her back.  She’s smart and a decent student and will graduate high school and be able to afford to go to college.  She lives in a 3,000 square foot house.  There is NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS CHILD’S LIFE, and yet, she’s thoroughly convinced that her entire world is ending because… well, because she didn’t get to go to the mall when she wanted to.  Or she had to go on a trip to NORMANDY instead of going to PARIS.  It just got to the point where I couldn’t handle listening to this spoiled brat complain about her perfect middle class life one more time.

I think the majority of it springs from the fact that I KNOW I was just as much of a shithead as these two were when I was that age.  And I fucking despise that about myself in hindsight.  So to see it in kids that I’m not allowed to berate is a little too much for me.  If it were within the social norms of “appropriate behavior” to tell these kids that I have no blood relation to just how big of a shithead they’re being?  I would gladly do so and maybe it would be a little easier to handle their whining if I were able to respond with “STFU, you entitled little SHIT.”  But for now, I think I’m going to settle for having learned my lesson and not accept any more friend requests from my friends’ kids.


About Kalypso

I'm a mess. My brain is a dirty and dangerous place. I'm a punk. I'm a capitalist. I'm a snarky, sarcastic, antisocial nerd. View all posts by Kalypso

2 responses to “I hate teenagers…

  • shannon

    this is so true. That’s why I hate facebook. All the kids on here are dumb and all they do is say poor me poor me all the time. I only have a facebook page for my family, “not all of them cause the younger ones are poor me”, friends that are far away.

  • Lee Ann Pearcey

    Haha! I have a soft spot for the little shitheads. I remember what it felt like. I don’t feel anything that strongly now. It’s exhausting. I think it’s a fascinating time in life. I’m filled with compassion for them and try to talk about sex and protection whenever I get the chance. Somebody needs to do it. 1 in 3 teenage girls get pregnant in America! 1 in 3!

    Though I don’t friend them on FB. 🙂

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